Sasuke's dead and gone
by Sasuke's-Sanity96
Summary: What happens when Sasuke dies then come back to life? He'll be different that's what. It's funny half way to the end.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a story that came to my mind last night. Sasuke is OOC so haha yea. **

**Rinaru: Baka do the honors**

**Sasuke: I am not a Baka**

**Rinaru: Right… Do the disclaimor Bastard**

**Sasuke: argh! Fine. Rinaru does not own Naruto. **

**Enjoy the story!**

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I was running towards my hometown bleeding like crazy. I had a huge gash on my stomach, on my face, arms and legs. My cloths were a mess. Something in my gut tolled me something bad was going to happen to a certain pink haired girl. And I was the lucky sucker that is coming to her rescue. You might be thinking why I have a lot of wounds, well I'll tell you what happened…

Like I said my gut was telling me something when I was in a meeting with Madara and the rest of the Akatsuki. It was a bad time. I suddenly stood up earning confused stares. "I gotta go back home, something bad is going to happen." I had said very adamant about it. Madara had stood up too and said: "Remember our deal? I guess you don't. So that means…" And he had attacked me. Then the whole Akatsuki were attacking me. I managed to get away but I was seriously hurt. And now I find myself in my current situation.

After three days of running and bleeding I finally saw the gates and to my surprise there was an event going on. There were people in the side of the buildings a lot of them. I managed to spot Naruto and the rest but not a certain pink haired angel. I got really nervous. Then I finally spot her. She was on top of a small stage with the Hokage next to her… That's Danzo! Shit, this is bad. That bitch hates me like hell itself does. Then I felt the ground shake, everyone seemed to be ready for something. Then I noticed that Sakura was wearing a white dress. Is she… is she a sacrifice of some sort. Then the ground shook again and this time Sakura let a tear come down her face. No…

Before I could think of anything, my feet made me run strait towards her. People stared at me like I was crazy some were angry some were scared to death. They screamed and shout at me to get out of the way. But I didn't listen my feet and heart tolled me to save her. Save my love one… I ran faster when this comment came to my mind. It felt like I was running in slow motion. She was so far away… A few tears came out of my eyes and cleaned a little of the blood out of my face. The ground shook again this time not stopping. No… it started. Sakura let tears fall the beautiful diamonds that she always showed and I thought this might be the last time I see her.

Then the ground cracked open. A huge creature started coming out of the ground it was full of lava. The lava started to move away. And then I noticed it was a huge dragon. It was black and red. The devil itself. And I was standing only a few feet away from it. It slowly moved towards Sakura. I then lost control of my body.

"I CAME ALL THIS WAY TO SAVE HER AND WHEN I FINALLY MADE IT SHE IS GOING TO GET KILLED?! NO! HELL HAS FUCKED ME IN SO MANY WAYS. I WOULD NOT GIVE HER UP YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and a huge supply of chakara came out of me and into my fist, ready to punch the dragon. It stopped his approach towards Sakura and turned towards me ready to kill me. I got really angry and I ran strait at it. He got ready to kill me. And then my chakara punch turned into a huge chakara punch(almost like Naruto's nine tailed chakara hand) And the huge punch made contact with the dragon making it fly up towards the sky by the force. I jumped after it the chakara hand behind me. After I was above it my chakara hand moved and grabbed the huge dragon. It pulled him up and spinned him around so the force was stronger. Then half way on his tenth spin he threw the dragon from where it came from. When the dragon hit the ground, it shook violently. Then I landed and did something I never thought I could do, I closed the ground. Then I turned my attention towards Sakura. I saw her mouth a small 'thank you' I nodded my head.

I got really tired. The chakara I was using wasn't even my normal one, it was my soul and chakara combined together. I felt a huge stab in my heart. I hissed in pain. Then I started to cough up blood. My nose had blood coming out of it, my mouth was full of blood, the stab slowly started to squish my heart. I was dying. I couldn't believe it, I was dying. I was going to meet my parents again, my brother, and every other Uchiha. I smiled bitterly at the sky. I had only minutes to say my last words. I coughed the blood in my mouth out and got ready to speak.

"Naruto… you were the most idiotic person I have ever met… and my best friend… that was closer, like a brother to me… and I always loved you… as a brother." I managed to say. Then I coughed more blood this time some knew I was dying. Then I started saying the most painful thing in my life…

"Sakura… I… always rejected you… for no reason… I regret ever… rejecting you… I always… loved you… You… were the flower that always bloomed in my life… I wanted… us to… become something more… but my time… is done. I would like… to thank the… people of this village… for taking care… of me when I… needed it… So now… I am here… talking my heart out… that is about to… stop any second now… I only got one thing to say now…" By now some of the medical ninja came to at least save my life but I was dying already. Some of the people had tears, some were shocked to see the last Uchiha in the world… dying in his home village where his parents were killed. I started to cough up more blood and finally felt the light leaving me and I said: "Good bye world…" And my body fell lifeless on the ground. The only thing I heard was someone screaming 'Sasuke!' Then everything went black.

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Sakura's POV

I can't believe Sasuke came all this way to save me… And now he died right in front of me. The only thing I could think of was the memories of us flooding everywhere in my mind.

"SASUKE!" Was all I could say as I fell on my knees next to him. I started crying. I couldn't stop. Then I felt Naruto's hand on my shoulder and a few wet tears on my back.

"his gone. My closest friend died. My brother died." He said as he knelt down next to me. A huge waterfall of tears were on his eyes but he didn't blink them out. "first old man, then pervy sage, and now my best friend…" And he blinked his eyes shut. Then we did something that our instincts tolled us to do, we hugged each other for comfort.

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It has been four hours since Sasuke died. Everyone was at his funeral. A lot of people were crying there eyes out, among them was Naruto and Sakura. They made the hole for his coffin. Anbu and Jonin grabbed his coffin and slowly moved towards his grave. When they finally made it they heard a bump inside of the coffin. Everyone was paralyzed.

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Sasuke's POV

I was in heaven. I was greeted by everyone. Then I came face to face with God. He then said some words that left me speechless. He said:

"Uchiha, you do not belong here. It is way too early for you to lose you're life. I will send you back to you're body." And with that he did something that sent my soul crashing back to earth. I finally made it to my body.

I slowly opened my eyes only to be greeted by darkness. '_what the fuck?!_' I then did something I would regret. I jolted up only to bump my head hard on something.

"God damn it! What the fuck is this?!" I screamed. "Argh! LET ME FUCKING OUT YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! Wait what am I doing, I might have been abducted by aliens! OMFG!!!!!!!!!" I'M GOING TO DIE!!!!!"

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Everyones POV

We heard a bump inside of the coffin. We all froze. Then we heard a mumbling that sounded quite angry. Our hearts stopped when we heard: 'Let me fucking out you mother fuckers' Then we all heard mumbling again. Then we heard a: Oh My Fucking God! I'm going to die!' from inside of the coffin. Then the coffin started moving violently. Then we heard a crack and after that crack, Sasuke Uchiha came pouncing up into the air he landed and started running around in circles like a loon a tick saying: The aliens are coming after me! We are all going to die!' We stood there in shock.

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Sasuke's POV

I jumped out of that prison thingy and started to run around in circles screaming that the aliens are after me and that we are all going to die. Then I stopped. I looked around and saw that everyone was there.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!!!! OH I KNOW, THE ALIENS STANSFORMED INTO THE OTHERS. I AM SO SMART!" And then I took one step and fell face flat on the ground. I stood up with grass in my mouth. "PFFFFFFFF! ARGH! YUCK! TASTES LIKE SHIT!" I turned my head and saw Sakura and Naruto.

"HI NARUTO! HI SAKURA!" I screamed as I ran towards them to tell them everything that happened to me.

"Sasuke?" They said at the same time.

"Oh hey guys! You have to know what happened to me! I was saying stuff then I only saw darkness. The only thing I heard was someone screaming: 'SASUKE!!!!!' Mmmh! That's exactly what I heard." By now Sakura and Naruto were sweat dropping of how hyper they're cool and quiet friend became.

"That's all?" Sakura asked.

"Uh… No! There's more! I made it to heaven! I saw my mother and father and brother and the clan and then I saw God! But then he tolled me '**Uchiha, you don't belong here**. **It was too early for you to lose you're life. I will send you back to you're body**' And then I was falling. And then I made it to my body!"

"What the fuck happened to you?" Naruto asked. I grinned the biggest and brightest grin ever known. I heard everyone gasp.

"Well maybe my old self is long gone." I said as my grin turned into a friendly smile. The smile my mom used to make.

"No way…" Sakura said in disbelief. "You smiled!"

"Yes my dear, yes I did." He said. "NOW LET'S HAVE A FAMILY REUNION AT ICHIRAKU'S!" And I fell again this time in more mud than grass. "ARGH!!!!!!!!!" I turned my muddy face towards Sakura. "Saki, can you clean me?"

"Sure, Sasu." And she pulled out a wet towel and rubbed Sasuke's face.

"Ok. Let us start over. LET'S HAVE A PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I said as I ran off with the others behind me.

"There is only one thing I have to say." Sakura said.

"What is it?" Naruto asked.

"Sasuke's dead and gone."

They were at a cliff when she said that. Then all of the sudden the crazy idiot jumped.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Sakura-chan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to die!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"

"Sasuke-kun, it's just a tiny hill." Sakura said.

"Oh."

And they lived crazily ever after

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**Yea, I'm stupid. I need an idea that has to do something with Sasuke on crack! Can somebody think of anything? **

**Sasuke: I DIED?!!!!!!!!!!**

**Rinaru: yes**

**Sasuke: -faints-**

**Rinaru: I don't get it**

**Sakura: -slaps Sasuke across the face- **

**Sasuke: huh?**

**Sakura/Rinaru: GOOD MORNING! (it sounded like that Dane Cook video about the holy food) **

**Sasuke: Ok… I WANT YOU PEOPLEZ TO REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!! I APRETIAT THAT!!!!!!!!! **

**Rinaru: Hehe! So cute!**

**Sasuke: NO! ZTAY AWAY FWOM ME!!!!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So… someone (you know who you are) tolled me to do another chapter to this story even though I wanted it to be a one-shot. So here's what happens after Sasuke goes around Konoha in his retarded self. Enjoy!.. Oh yea, hehe… forgot my excuse. I was watching too many Naruto Shippuden episodes. Hey! It's not my fault that I didn't watch the episodes since the beginning! Oh wait, it is.**

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Previously:

"_But there is something I know." _(I don't remember really well so yea…)

"_What?" _

"_Sasuke is dead and gone." _(You know what happened next)

End of recab.

I was running around thru the streets of Konoha. Why? Well I'll tell ya why. ^_^

You know about the little cliff thingy? Yea that's what happened. After that stupid accident I found myself falling off a real cliff. The real thing. I ended up in the hospital for one whole week. But today I made my escape and was cornered by Anbu and nurses and I managed to escape. Now I am running for my life thank you very much.

After three hours of none stop running, thank goodness for being fit, I found myself smelling a sweet aroma. So I let my nose guide me towards the aroma. I found myself in front of the Yamanaka flower shop. Mmmm, it always smells nice. Then I saw Ino watering the plants and for some reason I entered the shop.

"Welcome to the Yamanaka flower shop how may I help- Sasuke?! What are you doing here?" Ino said like a tape recorder but stopped once she saw me.

"Nn. I don't know but, what I know, I entered your flower shop." I said with a smile.

'_What the heck? He is smiling at me? Oh yea now I remember.'_ Ino said in her mind.

"Um… Well anyway… what do you want?" Ino asked me.

"I don't know! Something *beautiful*" I said while making cute round eyes that sparkled.

"Oh, Ok." And she was off!

After twenty minutes later she came back.

"Is this beautiful enough for you?" She asked while holding a bouquet of flowers.

"As in beautiful you mean gorgeous!"

"Ok… Is that a yes?"

"Yes it is a yes, darling." I said in my stupid but hyper voice.

"That'll be fifty yen."

"Holly shit! Ok here." At first I had a shocked face then I put on a happy face lie this ^_^

"Ok… Come again!"

"Don't worry darling I will!" I find myself telling a lot of girls darling for no reason.

Then I exited the flower shop with my bouquet of flowers, they're mine! Got it? Mine! Muahahaha! *cough, cough* uhhhh, anyway as I said I exited the flower shop and went back to my house, apartment, thingy. I found a pretty vase to put them. And… voila! It was done. It looked soooo beautiful! I can not let Narutard ruin them. Um… Anyway I exited my house and went off to… somewhere… And I found myself looking at green spandex idiots that think they are so youthful. Well I'll show them youthful!

"Ah, ha! Well look Lee! It's Sasuke. Uchiha!" Bitch…

"Why yes Guy sensei! It is Sasuke Uchiha!" Argh! What did I tell ya, they are idiots.

"Why yes Lee and Guy, it is Sasuke Uchiha." I said rather sarcastically.

"Well what brings you here on a beautiful day like this?" Lee asked.

"Well I'll tell ya why I came here. Do you want to know why I came here?" I said in a sadistic voice. Muahahahaha!

"Why?" They both said.

"For no reason!"

"Ooooh… That was sooo youthful!" They both said.

"But not as youthful as Guy sensei is!" Lee said.

"Oh yes I am!"

"Well prove it!"

"Fine I'll prove it!" And I took off my clothes until I was only wearing boxers. Oh yea, I forgot to mention that it's winter. "Take your clothes off Guy. Only stay with your boxers." I said.

We were both in our boxers. You might be wondering why we took our clothes off in the middle of winter. It's because I am going to prove that I am more youthful than Guy by doing a contest of resistance! Muahahaha! I am insane!!!!!!!!!!

"The contest starts… now!" Lee said. And we waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, we waited so long that I was turning purple and Guy was shivering like crazy, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, now I can make chop sticks out of my nose droppings and Guy couldn't move.

We waited so long that morning came and we were still at it.

"Mmffffmfmff!" Whoa… Guy was so cold that he couldn't talk.

"What was that, Guy sensei?" Lee asked.

"I-I-I-I Th-think h-he sa-said I gi-give u-up." I shivered out.

"Is that true Guy sensei?" And he managed to nod his head.

"That means Sasuke Uchiha wins!" Lee said while crying his stupid tears.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?!" Sakura and the rest of rookie nine came out of no where.

"Oh, we were doing a contest to see who is more youthful. And it turned out Sasuke was more youthful." Lee said.

"OMFG! Sasuke you're purple!" Ino said.

"Put your clothes back on." Sakura ordered.

"Can't yo-you do i-it?" I shivered out again.

"Fine. Girls! Lets help out Sasuke put his clothes back on!" Oh shit…

After ten minutes I had my clothes on.

"Domo arigato Sakura-chan!" I said. And then I was gone.

"Ne? What just happened?" Sakura asked.

"Beats the shit out of me!" Naruto said. Bonk! "Ouch! Sakura-chan! Why you hit me?!"

"Don't say bad language Naruto!"

That went well didn't it? Anyway, I was walking around Konoha. _Again._ But this time I found Kakashi sensei.

"Sup Kakashi?" I asked in my gangsta voice.

"Nothing Sasuke."

"Uh, what I couldn't hear you!"

"I said nothing Sasuke!"

"I still can't hear you because of that mask of yours!"

"You always heard me with my mask on Sasuke!"

"Huh?!"

"God Damn it!" And he took his mask off. "YOU. ALWAYS. HEARD ME. WITH. MY. MASK. _ON!!!!!!!!!"_

"Whoa… Kakashi your mouth is sexy." I said in total owe.

"Thank you. Yours is sexy too you know."

"No it's not."

"And why is it that every girl always wants your lips?"

"Holy shit! I am sexy!"

"No duh."

"Bye, bye!" And I was off!

"Strange idiot. Hey, I can feel the wind on my face. Watch out world, the new Kakashi is in town."

Now I find myself meditating upside down on a tree branch. It makes me smart. Then this fan girl came and sat next to me.

"Watch ya doing?" She asked in a cute tone. (you know like Isabella from Phineas and Ferb)

"Nothing." I said with the same cute tone.

"Awe, that was soo cute!"

"Ye it was." I said while putting a neko (kitty) face.

"That is so cute!"

"Cute? You should shee Nawuto doing it. He wooks like a weal neko." I said while putting a happy neko face like this X3

"Ok, I'll see Naruto!" And she was off.

Weird fan girls. You know, I should rule the world with the help of my fan girls! Muahahahahaha! *cough, cough, cough* I find myself doing that a lot lately. Now I had only one thing in mind. I need a girlfriend. And so I was off, roving the streets of Konoha to find my mate. And then I find my target. Sakura. So I ran up to her.

"Ano… Sakura-chan, do you want to be my girlfriend?" I asked.

"Meh, what the heck, sure." Yay!

"Now can I see you naked?"

"No."

"Why?!" I whined.

"Because we are not married."

O.O Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Curse you Billy Bob Joe!

**The end. X3**

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**I just had to put that line at the end! You know why? Because I was playing Burnout Paradise one day and I crashed my car so many times and every time I did I said: "Curse you Billy Bob Joe!" I don't even know where I got the name from. Then my brother was like: "What the heck is your problem with Billy Bob Joe?" And I was like: "I don't know! I have to blame somebody for everything that I do wrong!" Ahhh, good times, good times. ^_^ **

**Sasuke: Ne? I was stupider than the other chapter. **

**Rinaru: Yes you were my dear, yes you were. **

**Sasuke: Nn. I knew it! That wasn't me It was you! You were the one that says darling all the time! **

**Rinaru: Yes it is me my dear. **

**Sasuke: Review. **


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